Lowe Blows at the Comedy Central Roast

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via Comedy Central

By Kyle Boris

Every year, Comedy Central puts together a roast of a celebrity with a dais made up of friends of the main roastee, along with some of the industry’s funniest comedians. This year Rob Lowe was the lucky one to be the center of attention. The supporting cast had something for everyone including Super Bowl Champion Peyton Manning, Donald Trump supporter Ann Coulter and Roast Master David Spade. With Lowe’s history with sex tapes, canceled television shows and nanny scandals there was plenty of hot topics and touchy subjects  to go around. Let’s take a look at the biggest Lowe blows of the night so you can decide who crossed the line and who had the funniest set of the night.

David Spade

“Rob was in the Austin Powers movie 16 years ago. Can you believe it,16, or as he calls it, 18”

“She’ll(Jewel) be leaving right after the show, but her teeth are gonna hang out”

“Jimmy’s like soccer. He’s huge in England, but everyone in America just thinks he’s kind of gay”

Pete Davidson

“Rob was a marine: The Few, the proud. Which also describes his fans”

“A super bowl is also what Peyton’s mom had to cut his hair with as a child”

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“Last year we had Martha Stewart who sells sheets and now we have Ann Coulter who cuts eye holes in them.”

Rob Riggle

“The only thing smaller than David Spade is Jewel’s greatest hits album”

“Pete Davidson’s ugly. He’s actually going on his third year of SNL. Its been a while since I’ve been there of course so you gotta help me out now. Is it the 4th year that they finally let you see an orthodontist?”

“Rob, in both your sex tapes you appeared with two other people. Good god man, you can’t even carry a sex tape”

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Jewel

“Pete Davidson. It’s hard not to recognize him when he’s not on SNL or on adventure with The Man in the Yellow Hat”

“Rob, you look like every dad who can’t handle having a gay son”

“Peyton Manning is here because Eli is still out there making his dad proud”

“Jeff Ross is gonna party like its 1999. Ann Coulter is gonna vote like its 1899”

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Jimmy Carr

“C’mon, the only people who get more concussions than NFL players are their wives”

“Ralph Macchio; obviously not the first choice of Rob Lowe’s 80’s co-stars to be here tonight. But, Tom Cruise is too famous and Patrick Swayze isn’t answering his phone”

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“I’m appalled that people would come here and make jokes about the sacrifice Pete’s heroic father made on 9/11. This is not the roast of Pete Davidson’s father. That was in 2001”

Peyton Manning

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“He [Pete Davidsosn] asked to take a picture with me and I didn’t even realize he was one of the comedians. I told him, ‘Don’t give up kid. Whatever disease you have, you can beat it'”

“[Rob Lowe] The only thing you’re consistently on is Twitter. Which is surprising because you’ve never been able to master one character, let alone 140”

“[Rob Lowe] You tried to take the air out of my retirement so fast you could probably get a job as Tom Brady’s ball boy”

Nikki Glaser

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“[Jewel] Your teeth are like the Spice Girls. They’re all different colors and they’re like doing their own thing”

“I love Peyton in commercials. You’re like the Tom Brady of commercials”

“Jeff, you and Hitler have a lot in common; micro penis, you’re bad at your art, and no one cared about you until you started roasting people”

 

Ralph Macchio

“Peyton wrote a children’s book. It wasn’t meant to be a children’s book, but he did the best that he could”

“[Rob Lowe] They saw you f*ck a 16-year old and they’re like, ‘Hmm, he looks like he could work in the White House'”

Ann Coulter

“I know it’s pretty shameless, but I’m on a stage with the guy who made two Joe Dirt films”

Jeff Ross

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“[David Spade] He looks like Jane Lynch; mid-transition”

“You’re the only Jewel that gets less valuable with age”

“[Ralph Macchio] It’s amazing how The Karate Kid prepared you for the rest of your career. Wax the car, paint the fence, sweep the floor”

Rob Lowe

“SNL has just released a compilation of David’s funniest sketches. Its called the Best of Chris Farley”

“[Ann Coulter] After seeing your set tonight, I think we’ve all witnessed the first bombing that you can’t blame on a Muslim”

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Which jokes crossed the line and who had the funniest set of the night at the Comedy Central Roast of Rob Lowe?

All gifs via Giphy.com


Kyle Boris is a contributing editor for YourSitch.com

Twitter: @KyleNoStyle

Author: Kyle Boris

Writing my future

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