By Kyle Boris
Frank Gallagher started off Season 7 by asking us to pay attention “so we can stop doing these stupid, f*cking recaps.”
Well Frank, the recap was able to remind everyone(in case they somehow forgot) that last we left off, the gang was throwing Frank into the river after he ruined Fiona’s wedding. Lip was entering rehab, Carl and Ian were in new relationships, Debbie was dealing with Frannie, Kev and V along with Svetlana were starting their new family and Fiona was all over the place as usual. We’d get some clearance on everyone’s situations as Season 7 starts off 30 days after Fiona’s wedding and Frank’s disappearance.
Can we just take a minute to enjoy what a sight this is? The fans have watched each of the oldest Gallagher brothers grow into seemingly different characters over the span of seven seasons. They all have taken different paths, but as seen in the premiere, they agree on one thing; they don’t have any intention of helping Frank.
After the recap, the Season 7 premiere opened with Frank inside of his coma. He was under water and watched as random objects such as a bottle of alcohol and a gun floated by. Then things got interesting when he started to see his family members floating around him and they didn’t seem happy to see him. Fiona was in her wedding dress. Liam had a cigar in his hand. Carl cocked a gun and seemed intended on shooting Frank. Lip had a bottle and Ian was in uniform before giving Frank the finger. Oh, and Debbie was floating by with Frannie still attached to the umbilical chord. Frank then started to get attention to his genitals by a fish, which in reality was coming from the nurse cleaning him which of course was the way Frank woke from his coma.
Frank spent most of the episode in a wheelchair. After he remembered what had happened, he spent the entire time attempting to ask everyone why they didn’t come looking for him and found that most were just hoping he was dead. He ends the episode by creating a contraption that makes it possible for him to carry his wheelchair, some alcohol and a bucket up to Fiona’s room where he nails the door shut and locks himself inside.
WTF(What the Frank) Moment: Frank finds himself venting to a man who passes out after sniffing glue.
Best Quote: After Kev tells Frank they thought he was dead: “Nope, I’m indestructible.”
Who Did It Better?
After her failed wedding, Fiona spends most of the episode managing the restaurant. She seems to be having trouble adjusting to the role even though it is only temporary until they can find a new manager. It’s a weird place for Fiona because at the moment she doesn’t seem to have any real problems directly aimed at her. Sure she has stress at work and the always difficult Frank who just stole her room, but she said she’s staying away from guys and we can only that remains the case because her luck with the opposite sex leads to most of her issues.
Fiona’s Finest: Fiona’s finest moment of the night came when she drags Frank down the stairs and throws him outside. She then walks up to Debbie’s night nurse who just witnessed all of this chaoe and offers up a cheerful, “Hi, I’m Fiona”, to the terrified woman.
We first see Lip leaving the Faith and Serenity House where he was staying for his 30 days of rehab. Professor Youens picks him up in his still destroyed car and tells him he’ll keep his end of the stick and help Lip get some work as an intern. Lip doesn’t plan on going back to school which most of the family seems concerned about. He gets a job as a dishwasher at Fiona’s restaurant and you can’t help but feel for Lip as you watch him attempt to balance himself after a couple drinks just to make sure he’s okay. It makes you wonder how things could have been different for him if he had just went down a couple different streets instead of the path he chose.
The Real MVP: How awesome must it be to have a guy like Professor Youens in your life? Lip destroyed his car, cursed him out multiple times and degraded his career and yet, this man still helps him out AND wants to get him an internship. You go Youens. You go.
Ian is still in his relationship with the firefighter Caleb, but is dealing with trust issues when Caleb tells him he’s seeing an old flame friend from high school. Caleb ensures Ian that SHE is just an old friend and there’s nothing to worry about.
Ian tells this to his co-worker who’s scenes may have actually stolen the show. Here’s a couple of her gems:
- She tells Ian a story of a time when she was dating this guy online for months only to find out he had a wife and kids. When she found out, she tied him to a bed and superglued his penis to his leg. She eventually married this man after he divorced his wife.
- She tells Ian a stat that 50% of gay men in relationships cheat. Ian tells her that he trusts Caleb and she responds by saying, “That doesn’t mean he’s not getting stray d*ck.”
Ian eventually drags Lip with him to spy on Caleb. They see the Caleb and his ex hugging on the street and as Ian and Lip are about to leave, they witness Caleb having a serious make out session with this woman.
Best Quote: When trying to give Carl advice on keeping his privates clean:
“There’s nothing worse than heading down south and getting a whiff of some moldy foreskin that smells like some homeless guy’s shoes.”
Debbie is dealing with the struggle of being a teenage parent and it eventually leads to her stealing what I’m calling the most amazing, unnecessary baby carriage I’ve ever seen. She takes the carriage from a rich mom she saw in the park. Debbie sells the $4,000 carriage and starts to spend the money and also uses credit cards she stole from the purse that belonged to the mom. She buys loads of baby clothes and hires a night nurse to take care of Frannie. Debbie is able to get more sleep and as a result is in a better mood.
Magic 8 Ball: In a not so bold prediction, Debbie’s stealing is going to catch up with her.
Carl is still dating Dominque and the two are becoming sexually active on a regular basis. Carl, however, begins to wonder why Dominique won’t provide oral sex even though he does it for her. She tells him it’s because he’s not circumcised which leads to Carl becoming insecure. He watches other guys using the urinals next to him and even asks his brothers about it before finding out they’re all circumcised. Carl is so upset that he goes through great lengths and gets the surgery to become circumcised.
Kev, V and Svetlana
Can we just start a petition for a spin-off from this family now? The three lovers have some of the best chemistry and provide some of the more awkward,yet, hilarious moments. They spend their time at the bar while also dealing with their three babies. They are doing their own little Gallagher impression when they’re all in the kitchen going over who’s responsible for what and they seem to have everything under control.
Kev and V become amazed with Svetlana’s skills in just about everything which lead to some great moments.
- When becoming amazed at Svetlana’s performance in bed, Kev tells V she’s “like the Michael Jordan of exotic stimula.”
- Svetlana informs them they’re having a family meeting later tonight and Kev responds, “Is that what we’re calling sex now?”
- V and Svetlana are sitting at the table waiting for Kev to discuss finances, but Kev actually believes it was a sex thing and comes down stairs wearing just a pink elephant over his crotch.
“Are we seriously not gonna have sex cuz I took a viagra”
Season 7 is off to a great start and it has left me intrigued as to where it will be taking us. What did you think of the episode? Let me know in the comments and remember to #KeepAmericaShameless
Kyle Boris is an editor for YourSitch.com