By: Kyle Boris
The 2020 Summer Olympics are still three years away, but that doesn’t mean we can’t start to get excited at all the possible scenarios that could play out in Tokyo. How will Simone Biles, Aly Raisman, Gabby Douglas, Madison Kocian and Laurie Hernandez follow up their 2016 performance? Is Michael Phelps really done? What else can we expect from Katie Ledecky?
If that wasn’t enough, the International Olympic Committee just announced a brand new event that has fans around the globe putting together dream teams. 2020 in Tokyo will feature the debut of the 3-on-3 basketball event.
The U.S. men’s and women’s teams have dominated the sport recently and a once exciting event has stalled because of the dominance. To counter that, the 3-on-3 tournament has inserted a newfound passion and excitement into Olympic basketball.
Now, we’re still not entirely sure who will be playing in this event or if NBA players will even be allowed, but that doesn’t mean we can’t put together a few dream teams to represent the United States. And by dream teams…I mean dream teams. Because, sure, we could go swim through the talented rosters of the NBA to put together possible teams(we will), but why not go to the place where skill and talent all depends on the people making it. Here are some fictional 3-on-3 teams from television and film that I’d like to see repping the red, white and blue.
Dunder Mifflin
PG: Michael Scott
SF: Stanley Hudson
PF: Jim Halper
Okay, if the boys at Dunder Mifflin are going to bring home the gold, Jim is going to have to carry this squad. As seen in the Season 1 episode “Basketball”, Michael is more of a trash talker that cannot back it up. He also isn’t afraid of fighting with his teammates as evident when he yells at Stanley for not being good at basketball.
Thinking about it now, the only chance we have is if Dwight initiates a fake fire drill.
Chances of Gold: 5%
Bel-Air Academy
Coach Smiley
PG: Cornflake
SG: Carlton Banks
SF: Will Smith
Yes, Carlton and Cornflake will be absolute liabilities in the backcourt, but this team is all about the Fresh Prince. I mean, this man was nailing shots off the jump ball. How can anyone guard that? Is that even legal?
Probably, not.
If defenses show a little respect to the guards and Will has some space it’s a lock for the gold. If the game comes down to the wire, though, we might be in some trouble. Coach Smiley better draw up something better than this.
Chances of Gold: 35%
Flint Tropics
Coach Jackie Moon
PG: Ed Monix
SG: Clarence Withers
C: Jackie Moon
Now, this? This is a backcourt. After putting aside their differences, Monix and Withers combined to make a perfect mix of savvy vet and exciting young gun. Teams will have a tough time guarding the trio and will have to always be prepared for the alley-oop that the Tropics will have stored in their back pocket.
The X-factor of this team is the player/coach Jackie Moon. If he can keep his cool, restrain from cursing out referees, fighting bears in steel cages and harassing fans while still being a team player, then I think the Tropics have a chance.
Hmm, not looking great.
Chances of Gold: 55%
Wildcats
PG: Troy Bolton
SG: Chad Danforth
SF: Zeke Baylor
I really just want to see this because of the prospect of a possible in-game dance off between Zac Efron and the Wildcats and Team Russia.
Nothing screams ‘Pride for your country’ like a random dance in the middle of the game.
Chances of Gold: 12%
Timberwolves
Coach Arthur Chaney
PG: Tom Stewart
SG: Air Bud
SF: Josh Framm
Ain’t no rule says the dog can’t play basketball!
I haven’t read the official basketball handbook and neither should you. Just let the dog play, unless you’re afraid of getting beaten by a dog. That’s how Coach Arthur Chaney goes about his business and gets into the heads of the opposing coaching staff. It’ll be tough for two kids and a dog to stand up for the US of A, but Chaney could be the real difference maker.
Even if this team gets bounced in the first round, we need to at least get an Air-Bud shoe deal out of this. Big Baller Brand doesn’t currently have much of an audience when it comes to dogs, but the Air-Bud 7’s could put an end to that.
Chances of Gold: K-9%
Tune Squad
PG: Bugs Bunny
SG: Michael Jordan
SF: Bill Murray
This is it. This is the squad. THIS trio took down the Monstars on the biggest stage of them all; not to mention the stakes that were involved in that one. Michael Jordan would still be signing autographs on Moron Mountain if it weren’t for a last second play that defied physics.
No other 3-on-3 team in the world has faced the kind of competition that the Tune Squad has gone up against. Spain, Australia, Serbia and every other country better watch out because an actor, a rabbit and a baseball player are coming for the GOLD.
Chances of Gold: 110%
Kyle Boris is the co-creator of YourSitch
Twitter: @KyleNoStyle
yoursitch.com 